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You’ll never be as good as you could be…

... And That’s Just Perfect. Yesterday was a big day. It was the day I was starting to write my fifth book. Anticipation was high (alas only in my mind) and I made preparations to make it a thing of legend.

I had an early night as I know that sleep provides superpowers. I woke early knowing that the sweet spot of my creativity was when others are still in slumber. I prepared numerous devices, sheets of paper and coloured pens so that I had every means of capturing the genius as it poured out. 

My morning routine got me rehydrated, oxygenated and set with a beautifully positive intention. I was feeling heroic. I wrote out the first thousand words with my finger tracing multicoloured hieroglyphs on a big fat screen. There was no tension and there was no rush. It felt good. By 9:30 AM I stepped back and considered the day ahead knowing that everything will now be gravy as I had delivered what I intended to do. I had mastered my goldfish brain and delivered truly deep thinking. Hoo-bloody-Rah! 

Day two and things went slightly differently. I didn’t sleep so well even though I had set up the same routine. I awoke foggy. My morning routine was half-hearted. I started writing where I’d stopped the day before but instead of on the big funky creative screen, onto a Word document. I was half an hour later. Instead of being crisp and pithy, my points meandered, and I got easily lost. 

My daughter asked for help with her homework at 9AM. I was relieved to escape. Half an hour later I was back on my desk trying to jumpstart my brain. I wrote a little more but this time lost attention quickly and looked at an email. Back to the big screen as it produced the goods yesterday. 

Standing up with colour at my fingertips kick started the creative juices; coughing and spluttering but at least coming out. My other daughter phoned to ask if I could pick her up, as after what has felt like months of sunshine, the heavens had opened on her. And that was the end of my writing today. 

I spent the rest of my day flitting around projects and making phone calls to keep nudging the most important work forward, but I was on the whole frustrated. I was knobbed off at the world but mainly knobbed off with myself Knowing these emotions needed further examining, I took a stroll and my ridiculousness became clear. 

We aren’t machines that can be constantly optimised. Even when we know what to do to stack the deck in our favour, life happens. We are massively complicated and sensitive beasts with energy that ebbs and flows as we’re tuned in to the world in which we live and those we share it with. 

The beauty of being alive is that deep down we all know optimisation isn’t our purpose. Properly living in the moment regardless of what it throws up is real liberation. Yes, we should do what we can to make each day as good as it can be, but once we’ve set the intention, we have to let go of outcomes. 

As soon as we are attached to an idea of how things “should be” we have lost. We then can only fall into a self-judgement spiral that will block up our energy and create a thoroughly bad day. Hats off to those who want to become superhuman and constantly experiment with bio hacks, filtering blue light from their retinas and meditating on rocks for days. 

If I had such a complicated regime to make sure I had a smile on my face and a spring my step; I would feel imprisoned. The freedom for me is knowing I could always be better, but I don’t have to be because today is just perfect.

Photo by Louis Hansel on Unsplash